


anachrony

by GlitterCake20



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anachronistic, Angst, Crying, Description of Shooting, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Hallucinogens, Hurt No Comfort, Hypnotism, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wolfsbane Potion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterCake20/pseuds/GlitterCake20
Summary: [anachrony- a discrepancy between the order of events in a story and the order in which they are presented in the plot]Ever wonder why, after a group of hunters shot Theo’s truck up, there were no bullet holes or broken glass in later scenes? Or how a homeless boy could afford to fix it? The answer is that it happened afterwards, not during. And here’s how.





	1. one eight seven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manonlemelon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manonlemelon/gifts).



> because I promised to Thaim all the heartbreaking Delena scenes for her. Chapter 1 references 5x22 of TVD.

 

Liam’s phone rings fourteen minutes past midnight, he wakes alarmed and scared, chilled down to his bones. All it can be at this hour is trouble.

 

 **_Incoming Call:  
_ ** _Corey Bryant_

_Mason. It’s Mason. Something happened to him_. Liam’s scrambling up, limbs working faster than his sleep addled brain can manage. He sits up tangled in his duvet cover, and swipes to answer the call, misses the button a few times in his haste

 

“Corey?? What… where’s Mason??”

 

“Mason’s… he’s fine. It’s not…”

 

His head is spinning, he can hear by Corey tone that something is very, very wrong, and if he listens closely, he can hear Mason sniffing in the background.

 

“Corey??!! Tell me!”

 

The guy takes a deep breath, exhales just as audibly and then says, “It’s Theo…” and Liam’s world drops away. There’s no response from Liam except the shivers making their way down his spine, the rest of him is frozen, so Corey continues.

 

“The Sherriff found his truck on the outskirts of town. The hunters… they… I don’t know they must have been hiding in the warehouses.”

 

“Corey…”

 

“Liam, he’s…”

 

But Liam throws the phone to the foot of the bed because that’s not… it’s just not. It. can’t be. Liam swings his legs off the side, grabs his jeans and the closest top he can find which happens to be Theo’s hoodie. He’ll give it back to him when he sees him now.

 

He’s not sure how long it takes to get there, but the outskirts aren’t that far. Theo took him there once. They had milkshakes on the huge concrete slab and watched the sun set. They’re still not calling it dates, they call it ‘hanging out’ like friends do but with kisses and secret whispers. Liam smiles remembering Theo’s lips earlier that night, he always tastes so good, fresh and minty and sweet. Smells even better. A burst of panic shoots through Liam’s heart, what if earlier was the last time he got to kiss Theo? What if something bad happened?

 

But Theo promised he’d see him tomorrow, he’d come pick him up for school, that’s what he said before he left… _“See you in the morning, Sunshine. Seven-thirty sharp!”_ Theo always keeps the promises he makes to Liam, he may be an asshole to the world, but he treats Liam just fine. He accelerates, barrels down the quiet road until he sees the flashing lights in the distance… surrounding Theo’s truck.

 

Stilinski’s there. Mason’s holding Corey. There’s an ambulance and a gurney with a large black bag on top. _It’s not… It isn’t._

Mason turns when Liam comes to stand beside them, “Li, I’m sorry man… I know you two…”

 

“What?” Liam’s not looking at the body bag. He’s not looking at Theo’s truck riddled with bullet holes, hundreds of bullet holes. He’s not looking at the shattered windows and remnants of glass on the tar road. There’s blood too, but he’s not looking.

 

He’s staring pointedly at Mason, he’s kind of begging Mason to say something else. To just say… fucking anything, except what he’s about to.

 

Mason’s hand comes up to Liam’s face, his thumb easing out the knot in Liam’s jaw. He didn’t realize he’s been clenching it, “They said it was fast. He didn’t suffer. The bullets were too many… he died instan-”

 

“Uh uh… no!” Liam shakes his head, hold a hand up for Mason to stop, “No. No.”  He’s trying to swallow but he knows this lump in his throat is one of realization. He can’t hold on to the denial for much longer, not when all the proof is in front of him like this- the sharp scent of Theo’s blood and fear in the air. The body bag unmoving in exactly the shape of Theo’s broad shoulders, the carnage that is his blue truck.

 

Corey bends down a little to meet Liam’s eyes, “Liam… he’s gone… I’m so sorry. I only found him because of this alpha bond, I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

 

Then Liam finally turns to the gurney, and it’s like when he swallows down the lump in his throat, it opens the flood gates. He can barely see anymore but he knows that’s Theo’s body lying there, he knows the Sheriff’s filling in the report detailing precisely how Theo Raeken died. He hears him call it in on the radio, “One eight seven.”

 

It hits him so hard in the chest he’s sure there’s a hole where his heart is supposed to be, that it’s a large gaping and bleeding wound that’ll never heal. At least that’s what it feels like, his hand comes up to his heart just to be sure, although right now he’s not so certain it’ll be a bad thing... because this… this is an unimaginable kind of pain he’s never known. And now, instead of the lingering taste of Theo’s minty lips on his own, all he can taste is copper in the back of his throat.

 

Theo’s dead. His chimera is dead. His smile is gone, his soft warm hands are gone. The lips Liam loves kissing, are gone… the guy he fell in love with… is gone.

 

“Theo….” Liam makes a bee line for the gurney but Parrish grabs him, holds him back.

 

“Liam, I can’t let you… I’m sorry…” and then the paramedics wheel him away and into the ambulance.

 

“No!! Stop that!!” Parrish’s grip is solid around his middle, “Stop!!! He’s not... he’s just… Just stop! He’s a chimera!! He’ll…”

 

“Liam!” Corey stops him before he says too much.

 

It’s hard to keep up the struggle when his body is on the verge of collapsing so he allows Parrish to pull him back to his feet. He realizes he must look insane, he doesn’t care, “Please, please just let me see him… just let me…” he breaks then, his voice coming out in a hoarse sob and he sinks to his knees.

 

The blue and red lights of the ambulance blur and become distant and he’s sitting hunched over a puddle of chimera blood, crying. Why the fuck didn’t Theo just stay the night like Liam asked him to, what was he doing out here, anyway? Liam never found out where he stayed, was it around here?

 

He feels Mason’s hand settle on his back, trying to comfort him but he wants to be left alone, he needs time for this to settle in, so he shrugs him off, “I just need a minute please.”

 

“Li, we can’t leave you here, they might still…”

 

“I don’t care!!!” He flinches immediately when he snaps, he doesn’t mean to but he’s not in control right now and he doesn’t want to be responsible for what he touches, or who he touches, “Please, just leave me.” He sighs.

 

“I won’t be far Li. I’ll wait for you. Take your time.” Mason rubs his shoulder and then tugs Corey away. He watches them all leave, the cops, the medics, his friends until it’s only him with nothingness all around, not even the arms of a big chimera to hold him… and that’s all that can quiet his screaming heart right now. But he’s not here anymore, he’ll never be here again.

 

Liam slumps down against the back tire of Theo’s truck. They’ll be here soon to tow it away.

 

The tears won’t stay back anymore, “You lied to me.” he says, and he breaks, “You promised me you’d see me tomorrow… you lied to me.” Liam’s not really sure who he’s talking to or why he’s talking at all, but he hopes, in some universe, that maybe Theo can hear him. He didn’t know that when he said goodbye earlier it would be for good. If he knew, he would have made it a hell of a lot more special.

 

Liam doesn’t know it, but Theo’s here. In some supernatural plane of existence, but he’s there. Nothing looks the same, it’s grey and barren, except for Liam, except for his Sunshine. Theo kneels in front of him, he knows Liam can’t see him, or feel him, not even aware that he can hear what he’s saying, _“I’m not going to waste this bit of time apologizing, because you can’t hear me anyway.”_

 

Liam pulls his knees up to his chest, aware that his body’s jerking violently with sobs, “Please don't leave me, Theo… Just, come back please? Don’t leave me like this.” His throat is burning and aching and his heart’s beating brokenly, bleeding. This hurts. It fucking hurts.

 

Theo reaches out, ghosts the back of his hand down Liam’s wet cheek, _“I don't have a choice, Sunshine.”_ His heart may not be beating anymore but something inside him pains indescribably seeing Liam like this, seeing him cry and being unable to make it better. The helplessness is almost worse than death. But death doesn’t happen to you, it happens to the ones you love. In his case the only one he loves.

 

Liam’s still sucking in air like he’s choking, gasping desperately for it. Theo wishes he’ll look at him so he can just see those blue eyes one last time, even if they’re filled with tears, _“Li, you are by far the greatest thing that ever happened to me in this sorry excuse of a life of mine. You know what made it worth it baby? That I got to spend this bit of time with you, and that I die knowing how loved I was, not just by anyone, by you, Liam Dunbar. It’s the epitome of a fulfilled life.”_

 

Theo scoffs, then smiles thinking of the last couple of weeks with this boy, the wondrous, love dazed weeks following the huge fight with the hunters. Liam showed him how to live, really live not just survive. Liam showed him how a smile works, how to laugh… how to feel, _“It was never gonna get any better than this for me.”_ He cups Liam’s face, _“I peaked.”_

 

“Please Theo…”

 

_“I love you, Liam.”_

 

“Please come back to me.”

 

_“Bye Sunshine.”_

 

 


	2. wilfully under the influence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References 6x01 of TVD

 

“Shane keeps badgering me about how bad this shit is… but I mean it’s herbs right? Okay so, a little bit poisonous, but like what isn’t?”

 

Liam pours the content of a small white envelope into the mortar, then adds the exact measure of the yellow wolfsbane liquid to it and grinds it down with the pestle.

 

“Been doing this for three months and nothing bad has happened. Right? I get a little antsy, maybe a little angrier than usual. But like, nothing _bad_ bad.”

 

He mixes it and adds the salt, crushing it into the concoction, “and I mean I stay away from people so it's not like I'm gonna hurt anyone…” then quieter, “no one needs to know.”

 

It was only meant to be something to make the hurt easier, to help him deal with shit, but after the second hit... he saw him. Theo was there with him, living breathing and talking like he never left. And every hit made him stay longer, made him more tangible. Why would Liam stop now?

 

“I’ll stop eventually… because I can already tell what you’re thinking. That this is unhealthy and terrible and I’m alienating all my friends…” he stirs the mixture, that’s now turned to  liquid and then brings it to his mouth. “Okay…. I’m ready baby.”

 

Liam swallows the gunk down in one go, he grimaces and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Doesn’t see Theo straight away, but he feels him. He feels the heavy weight around his heart lift and the endless smell of sorrow that always surrounds him, dissipates.

 

He’s here, because only Theo feels like this.

 

“How many more times Sunshine…”

 

Liam spins around, finds Theo arms folded in the corner of his dorm room in dark denim and a black t-shirt. Gorgeous as ever. Liam leaps forward, grabs him around the neck, “Until I’ve had enough… which will be never.”

 

“This is so unhealthy…” Theo moans, but he leans in so he can kiss Liam. He takes Liam's face in his hands, holding his lips close to his own. Exactly the way Liam likes to be kissed.

 

Somehow, even as a figment of Liam’s imagination, Theo’s lips are still the softest and sweetest thing, still minty just like he remembers and his body is still firm and warm. Liam slots into his hold perfectly, nuzzles his face into Theo’s chest and the chimera places a gentle kiss on the top of Liam’s head, holding him close.  

 

This is how Liam spends most of his time now and no one knows- that's the beauty of it. No one can tell him to stop. Only Theo and, well, Theo does what Liam wants him to do.

 

“It won’t be forever, just until I can learn to live without you.” Liam says, as if he thinks it will get easier.  But this is like any other suppressant, the minute it wears off that deep hollow feeling returns and Liam walks around with a hole in his heart where Theo used to be. And that is entirely too painful for anyone, human or not, to bear.

 

“You’ll need to let go at some point Sunshine. I’d hold you forever if I could but I’m de-”

 

“No! Don’t say it, okay? Not here, not between us. With me you’ll always be alive.” Liam strokes down his cheek, it’s smooth and soft, “Don't ruin it, you’re beautiful, just like this.” _Not covered in blood and bleeding from a hundred different bullet holes._

 

Theo looks at him. When he's here Liam’s heart doesn’t hurt, but if this was… real… then that look would make him break into pieces. “Okay Sunshine. Just for you. Whatever you need.”  he says and places a soft kiss in the corner of Liam's mouth, “What do you wanna do today, hmm?”

 

Liam smiles, “We can play poker, I knocked these cards off Mason…” he pulls out a stack of playing cards, winking at Theo.

 

“So, you’re a thief as well as an addict now?”

 

“Shut up Raeken… only thing I’m addicted to here is you. And I blame you for that.”

 

Liam deals them each a few cards, and it’s just like it always is when they try to do anything- they look at each other more than at their deck of cards, then they smile, then one nudges the other with a foot and someone chuckles. It’s ridiculous, it’s them, so utterly and completely Theo and Liam. This is how it’s all meant to be, how it was always meant to be. Not the ruins on the other side of Liam’s conscious.

 

They’re submerged in a deep kiss and Liam’s caged between Theo’s arms and his body is heavy and real and grounding on top of him but the doorbell is buzzing incessantly.

 

“You can’t keep pretending you’re not home… Mason worries about you.” Theo gets off him and Liam grumbles, kisses him quickly before he gets up.

 

“Don’t leave…”

 

“I can’t Sunshine. Only you can make me leave.” Theo says and gives him a quiet smile.

 

Liam swallows at how fragile that statement is. Wonders, as he moves to open the door, if he’ll ever find the strength to say goodbye also knowing at some point he will have to.

 

“Dude...” Mason does not look happy, he looks fretted and angry and hurt. He pushes by Liam and into his dorm, looks around at the mess on the floor. Clothes lay all over, curtains drawn and the bed seems like it hasn’t been made in forever- Theo’s sitting on the edge of it, worrying his lip between his teeth, his  eyes never leaving Liam.

 

Liam tears his eyes away from Theo to look at Mason.

 

“What have you been doing Li?”

 

Liam gets a little flustered, he doesn’t know how to answer that without sounding crazy. So he answers with what’s most obvious, “I’ve been here Mason. Just keeping to myself.”

 

“You’ve been grieving?”

 

Liam pauses, hasn’t really been doing that. Because Theo is still there. There’s no reason to. He sees him every day, he can feel him, talk to him. There’s nothing to grieve.

 

“Yeah. Sure.” he glances at Theo again, but his beautiful face is twisted in pity and Liam wants to scold him, tell him to stop looking that way. This will all work out. But Mason interrupts him again.

 

“Liam… are you okay?

 

Liam feels the I.E.D itch under the surface. He just wants to be alone with Theo and he already splits his time between Theo and college and avoiding real life… shit. Avoiding…

 

Liam scratches at his neck, keeps trying to swallow and Theo’s getting blurry and Mason won’t shut up… wait… Theo’s getting blurry, no… it’s wearing off…. It’s…. He wasn’t done.

 

“Liam!”

 

Liam’s head snaps to Mason then to the small table with the herbs and the wolfbane that he never cleaned up, Mason follows his gaze, “What’s that?” he asks, then he’s walking toward it.

 

Liam tries to stop him, but his head his fuzzy and he’s more focussed on Theo beginning to fade than he is with his best friend finding his paraphernalia and all the shit he uses to pretend his life hasn't fallen apart completely.

 

“Dude? Is this… what the fuck? This is wolfsbane?!” Liam tries lunging for it but fails.

 

“What the fuck have you been doing? Are you getting high?”

 

“No! Look it’s not what you think…”

 

“It’s not? Well guess what?? That’s what all the junkies say! Liam, I can’t… why didn’t you come to me??”

 

“Mason!”

 

Holy fuck. Mason’s hysterical, he’s losing his shit and all Liam's doing is coming undone because he knows this is wrong but how is he supposed to be without it?

 

“Mason listen… just…”  
  


“I’ve been worried about you Li and you’ve been getting high?”

 

“It’s not _high_!!! I don’t get high!” Liam snaps back and Mason goes quiet, “I get to see him… that,” he sighs and motions to the mortar and pestle and the empty packet of herbs, “that makes me see him… then he's still here and I don't have to…. He's not...” and now Liam’s full on crying again because Mason’s face has softened and he looks like he might cry too. “I’ve tried grieving him Mase. It doesn’t work, it’s like this scalpel that just opens a raw wound inside me again. And I can’t… I just can’t. I drown without him, I can’t breathe and it hurts. It hurts so bad.”

 

“Li… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”

 

“I don’t know how to say goodbye. I feel like dying just thinking about it Mase. I rather want to be with him than be here without him. This stuff gives me a happy medium.”

 

“You can’t keep taking it Li.” Mason’s somehow gotten close to him and he’s wrapping his arms around Liam, “You need to deal with it, you need to come to terms with what happened. This is just adding to your problems…”

 

“I can’t…”

 

“Okay buddy, listen, I’m gonna get you help okay? I’m gonna talk to someone and we’re gonna make you better… this is… it’s not helping Li.”

 

 Liam’s heart sinks because he knows what that means, even if he doesn’t want to know it or admit it- he knows. And he’s not ready, so he’s not surprised when the next thing out of his mouth is an argument.

 

“No.”

 

“Liam.”

 

Liam is sweating, his hands have started shaking, and he’s dizzy. Usually he gets to sleep when this stuff wears off. He doesn’t have to argue or make a case for his sanity, doesn’t have to suppress the I.E.D because he’s alone and there’s no one to fight. But now Mason’s barking up the wrong tree, trying to force him into getting over Theo when he’s not ready and the monster inside has woken up.

 

He tries to keep quiet when Mason says, “Theo died, Liam…” and he doesn’t get to finish the rest of his sentence before Liam slams his fist into the wall.

 

“NO!!” he is seething, seeing red. Mason flinches and Liam hates that but he can’t stop now, he’s submerged in rage and the only person that can pull him out… is dead, “Get out!! Get the fuck out Mason.” he snarls through his fangs.

 

“Liam… I, I can’t leave you like this…”

 

“Yeah you can, get out. Please. Just go, okay?”

 

It’s when Mason leaves that Liam collapses in a shivering heap on the ground, the sobs are loud and his whole body aches because Theo is gone and he just snapped at his best friend and he knows that anger is a side effect of the herbs. Liam has never snapped at Mason, under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have done it now either. But this isn’t normal. What he’s doing isn’t normal and he can’t keep doing it.

 

Liam knew when he started taking the herbs three months ago that it’s not something he’d be able to keep up with for long. But it hasn’t been long at all, no amount of time with Theo will ever be long enough.

 

He gets up in a frenzy, scampers over to the table with the last bit of the mixture still in the mortar, he grabs it and swallows it down. Waits the obligatory ten seconds but Theo doesn’t appear.

 

“Come on!”

 

Liam drops some wolfsbane into an unfinished glass of whiskey and downs it. Still nothing.

 

“No no no. Not yet.”

 

He grabs his car keys and heads for the door, doesn’t give a shit that the people in the hallways stare at him when he sprints out to his truck, tears still rolling, whispering ‘no’ over and over, because this can’t be it, that cannot have been the last time he ever saw Theo. He needs to see him again even if it’s only one more time. So, he goes to the one place he knows Theo will be. Where it all began for them.

 

Liam pulls up in front of the hospital, still under construction and repairs and shut down for the most part. He goes in, unnoticed by Melissa, and sneaks into the service delivery elevator up to the fourth floor where he sprints down the abandoned hallway, still riddled with bullet holes and the lights keep flickering on and off.

 

And then he sees Theo.

 

He’s on his back in the middle of the floor, arms out stretched.

 

Liam smiles, “What are you doing?”

 

“Waiting for you.”

 

“On the ground where you saved my life?

 

Theo pushes up and groans, “I’m feeling symbolic.” He cups Liam’s face again and kisses him. 

 

Liam smiles then whispers, “Am I here to say goodbye?”

 

“Hmm. Remember that night when it was supposed to be senior prom, but we couldn’t go because there was that pack of kitsunes on the loose. Remember one of them tricked you into dancing with him in the woods, pretended to be me?”

 

Liam snorts, “Yeah. He was a good dancer though.”

 

“Well,” Theo says, “I never got my dance.”  he holds his hand out to Liam, "Dance with me Liam Dunbar."

 

“There’s no music you dork.”

 

Theo swiftly pulls him close, their faces only inches apart, “Of course there’s music.” he places his hand on Liam’s heart, tapping his fingers gently, “It’s in here.” Theo begins to move slowly and Liam follows, rests his head on Theo’s shoulder.

 

They dance all alone in the hallway, moving gracefully like Lydia taught them. Theo breaks the rules however – he spins Liam out wide and tugs him back hard then bends him backward in a dramatic bow before holding him close again.

 

It makes Liam laugh out loud, makes him smile and feel happy and forget about the pain for a few minutes. They're dancing close again and Theo slides their palms together, watching as their fingers entwine.

 

“You gonna be okay Sunshine?”  Because this is their goodbye.

 

Liam shakes his head, “Nope.”

 

“You gonna love me forever?”

 

“Pretty much.” A tear slips from his eye even though he’s mostly grinning bittersweet, taking in every inch of Theo’s face. Feeling like his brain almost can’t work fast enough to memorize it all.

 

They both stop moving at the same time as if the song ended. Theo brings Liam’s hand up and kisses it, wipes the tears off his face with his other hand, “Now listen to me Sunshine, you will not sit around and be miserable. You’re nineteen. Your whole life is waiting for you, and I’ll always be with you. Beside you, or in your heart, wherever you choose to keep me.”

 

Liam’s chin quivers with held back sobs, “My heart. Always.” He promises.

 

“I love you Liam. With my entire heart.”

 

“I love you too… wait for me in the afterlife okay??”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you.” Theo says with a reassuring smile.

 

Then he kisses Liam, one last time, and when Liam opens his eyes Theo’s standing in the elevator, the bullet dented doors slowly closing, crushing what’s left of his heart between them as Theo’s beautiful face disappears. 

 

And Liam cries.

 

 

 


	3. damnatio memoriae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References 6x22 of TVD

 

Four weeks, three days and twenty-two hours is how long Liam has been without Theo. No hallucinations, no herbs. No Theo. It’s been pure hell. There is nothing that helps ease the pain and there is not a moment he doesn’t think of Theo.

 

 

His green eyes and perfect mouth occupies every possible space in Liam’s mind, a mind that keeps expecting to see the chimera around every corner, sitting on every chair, or standing in his shower. His laugh and his voice and Theo’s most intimate noises are all Liam can hear, the way he called Liam sunshine repeats on an endless loop in his head.

 

 

Theo is everywhere yet nowhere at all.

 

 

Liam has grown used to his eyes permanently straining to keep tears from falling and his throat harbors a thick lump even when he sleeps. This doesn’t get easier, in fact the more time that passes the harder existing becomes for Liam.

 

 

There’s a quiet knock on his door and he fights the urge to pretend he’s not there, to hide, but where else would he be? He’s only left this stuffy dorm room because Mason insisted he get fresh air. That’s who is at the door right now.

 

 

Mason lets himself in, he places yet another box of takeout food down next to the untouched one from the day before. He’s cautiously coming over to the bed to draw the sheets back. It’s like he startles a little when he sees Liam.

 

 

“You’re really still surprised that I look like this?” he asks tiredly, because even sleep isn’t sleep anymore. It’s only a place of torture.

 

 

Mason sits down, looks at him sympathetically, “It’s just that you look worse every time Li. I’m worried.”

 

 

With Mason he doesn’t have to pretend, so he closes his eyes and allows the tears to come. His heart aches so incredibly that he doesn’t have to think too hard about anything to start crying, it just happens.

 

 

“I miss him.”

 

 

“I know…”

 

 

“No… you don’t understand Mase. Everyone misses someone. But this… I’m physically aching. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

 

“What do you need buddy. I’ll do anything.” Mason strokes his hair back then wipes the tears that roll down the side of his face.

 

 

Liam sighs, trying to collect his voice and swallow down the lump. Doesn’t work. He’s full on sobbing now and Mason immediately leans down and wraps around him.

 

 

He sucks in shaky breaths between words, “I just… I don’t… wanna feel like… I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to think about him anymore Mason… It hurts… it hurts so bad.”

 

 

“I’m sorry Liam… I wish there was a way to take this all away from you,” Mason says.

 

 

The thought enters Liam's mind so fast that he doesn't have time to mull over the implications. He sits up suddenly. “What if you can??” I mean not you but someone… what if someone can take this pain away??”

 

 

Mason frowns, “Liam, how?”

 

 

Liam carefully considers what he’s about to say, realizes the magnitude of it. “I’ve heard they use hypnosis to treat PTSD… to help people quit smoking. What if they can take Theo away in here?” he taps at his temple. Theo did say he’ll always be in Liam’s heart, always beside him but having him as a memory, as something he loves with all his might but will never be able to hold or see or speak to again… that proves far more painful than anything Liam’s ever endured.

 

 

“Liam no… that’s not…”

 

 

“Like, Deaton should be able to do this! He should be able to make me forget Theo!”

 

 

Liam looks hopeful. Mason can’t say no. Liam knows he wants his friend back, that Mason hates to see him suffer this way. Most of all Liam wants to feel like Liam again, not hurt and irreparably broken and forever crying.

 

 

“How would Theo feel, if you just erased him… if you just pretended like he was never here?”

 

 

“How would he feel knowing I’m wasting away like this… when I promised him I’d live my life and be happy?? I’m not happy… I don’t feel like I’m ever gonna be again. Not when he’s all I can ever see or think about.”  he breathes out roughly like the argument alone is an exhausting one to make. “Mason please… help me…”

 

 

For a moment it looks like Mason is going to argue, his lips part and he sucks in a breath. But then his shoulders drop and he sighs out a soft “Okay”

 

 

Liam sits on the bed with a piece of paper and a pen while Mason calls Deaton and tries his best to explain the severity of what Liam is going through, he does a pretty good job because after some convincing the doctor agrees. He cries again - it doesn’t really stop - while they pack away everything that belongs to Theo in Liam’s dorm. His black beanie and baseball cap, his pink hoodie, his jeans. The photo of them stuck to Liam’s wall, the one where they’re smiling while sharing an ice cream, that photo goes in a box along with all the other things. Liam almost backs out of it, but the tight constraints of hurt around his heart reminds him why he’s doing this, of how much he needs to do this. Mason strips off the sheets that still faintly smell of Theo and wraps them up, helps Liam replace them with freshly washed ones.

 

 

Soon the existence of Theo Raeken, the man Liam loves, is reduced to a 12 x 10 x 15 inch storage box.

 

 

His dorm doesn’t even look the same. Doesn’t smell the same. Where Theo’s scent still clung to it,  wafts of vanilla scented candles now take its place.

 

 

He hands a folded piece of paper to Mason to put in the box too. A letter for future Liam.

 

> _Liam._
> 
> _This is for one day. One day, when you decide that you want to remember, I hope that’s never because it hurts too much. But it needs to be remembered somewhere, so…_
> 
> _The love of your life was a man named Theo Raeken. Not whoever you let take his place. He called you Sunshine, and you tried your hardest to be exactly that for him because he needed it._
> 
> _You loved that boy so raw and honestly that when he left this world, he took you with him. Not just a part of you… all of you. And because a person can’t live with a heart that barely beats, you had Dr. Alan Deaton take this hurt from you. You made him take Theo away because you suffocated in his memories. And that’s no way to live._
> 
> _I hope when you read this you'll have lived a happy and fulfilled life, that you had kids with an amazing boy or girl, that you finished school and got a good job. I hope that you are happy, like Theo wanted you to be. Like you promised him you’d be. Mason knows everything, and if you ever want to know he’ll tell you._
> 
> _You’re doing this to save your own life, the way he saved it too._
> 
> _(I will always love you with all of me, Theo. Always. Goodbye... forever this time baby.)_
> 
> _L.D_

 

 

Mason seals the box and writes Liam’s name on it, “You ready?”

 

 

He wonders how ready one can be to have your memories wiped but he nods, eyes filled with tears. He can’t help but feel guilty for being slightly relieved that maybe now he can let go. It’s cheating, he knows that, but he’ll drown himself in this misery if he doesn’t do it.

 

 

The drive to Beacon Hills, is quiet and feels longer than it usually does. Mason doesn’t prod or ask him if he’s sure, he knows that this is the only option. Mason has agreed to talk to Jenna, tell her about the plan, and he knows his mom will understand. The rest of the pack didn’t really know about him and Theo, they hadn’t quite figured out how to tell them, so that part he doesn’t have to worry about.

 

 

 

Deaton’s clinic is cold and gloomy, smells sterile like the hospital, only serves to remind Liam of exactly why they are they are there. He takes a seat in an armchair where Deaton instructs him too and Mason retreats to the corner after squeezing Liam’s shoulder. His hands are shaking and his insides feel oddly like jelly, his heart however is aching to the point of bursting- with love he’ll never get to express again and with sadness that’s gotten too much to bear.

 

“Liam,” Deaton says, “I understand why you are doing this. I do, however, need you to understand that it can be undone at anytime, you can come to me and I will reverse the hypnosis.” Liam nods. He won't. “You also need to know that this might take an incredible amount of time, and may not work at all. I will try my best.”

 

“Okay…” Liam angrily wipes a tear from his cheek.

 

Deaton takes out a “Are you ready to start? Do you need some time?”

 

“N-no. I’m ready. You can do it.”

 

There’s an audible intake of breath from all three of them, Deaton nods and places a swinging pendulum beside Liam, “Close your eyes and only listen to my voice, answer as clear and concise as you can. There is no need to rush, we will dig as deep as we need to. Relax and take a deep breath. Focus on the sound the pendulum makes.”

 

Liam tips his head back and does what the doctor says. He could fall asleep from exhaustion and how soothing Deaton’s voice is.

 

“Firstly, tell me who Theo Raeken is.”

 

Liam swallows, fingers curling into the armchair, “He was my boyfriend, we were in love and… he died.”

 

“Very good. Since we can’t only erase the surface, I need you to think back to the moment you fell in love with Theo. Find the signature moment that marked that for you.” Deaton says evenly, with calm and measured words.

 

That’s easy Liam thinks, “It was that night when we were trapped at the hospital, when Monroe came after us. We bickered about not dying for each other and then, for some reason, I leaped forward and kissed him, it just seemed like the right thing to do. It was quick and hurried, but... we kissed.” Liam smiles, remembering how shocked Theo was at first, “He called me insane… and then he grabbed me and kissed me back. That’s when I knew.”

 

This was going to be over much quicker than Liam expected and he’s not sure he’s ready.

 

“Good. Listen to my voice. Liam, Theo never came for you that night. You got lucky with an open elevator door and then helped Mason and Corey, you escaped through the roof. You never kissed Theo, you didn’t spare a thought for him that night. Nod if you understand.”

 

Liam dips his chin down, “I was alone, got away from Gabe and found my friends.”

 

“Liam who is Theo Raeken?”

 

His blue eyes blink open, “He was my boyfriend, we were in love and… he died.”

 

They both sigh, defeated, knowing the meaning of what Liam said.

 

“That’s not the moment then… we’ll try again. Close your eyes Liam. Think again, when was the exact moment you knew you loved Theo.”

 

It’s hard to pinpoint the moment, Liam doesn’t think it works that way- you fall in love gradually and sometimes, very rarely, all at once. But, he tries anyway.

 

“There was a time after the fight with the hunters when Theo and I got really close. We’d find any excuse to hang out, and we even kissed some more. We weren’t sure what to call it, or if we were even allowed to do this- because of what he did to the pack… his past. But I couldn’t stop with him, and I tried. I’d tell him that I couldn’t see him anymore, I’d walk away… but… I’d never stay away. We always ended up back together. So, one night we argued about me wanting to leave again. He told me to just go already, to leave him alone. And I said that I don’t want to… We’re idiots like that. And then he looked at me like I was the most exhausting thing in the world and yelled, _‘Well, why not!?’_ and I screamed back _‘Because I love you, you dumbass!’_ and he went, _‘Well stop loving me!!’_ and obviously I couldn’t, I could never… not even now” Liam smiles at the memory even though he’s crying, “And with my last bit of energy I yelled back _‘I can’t!!!’_. Then we both just started laughing. That’s the first time he said it - I love you Liam - and then every day after that, enough that I never needed to question it. Almost enough to last forever.”

 

It’s a moment before Deaton speaks again and when Liam opens his eyes to check why, the doctor blinks back shiny tears and clears his throat. Kind of looks like he wants to say sorry, his forehead wrinkles in apologetic sympathy.

 

“That memory is something you saw in a tv show. You watched it alone, and the words stuck with you.  Theo was never there.”

 

“...From a tv show.”

 

“Liam, who is Theo Raeken?”

 

“He was my boyfriend, we were in love and… Fuck!!” Liam slants forward, holding his head in his hands as if trying to contain the frustration bubbling in his veins. It shouldn’t be this hard. He knows when he fell in love with Theo. How can he not know this??

 

Deaton’s hand carefully slides onto Liam’s knee, “It’s okay Liam. We just need to dig a bit deeper it seems.”

 

“I can’t! I don’t know what else to… I don’t… I just can’t!!!” Liam’s jaw quivers, he can’t help it. He’s so sick of all these tears, of this suffocating heartache, and it’s even worse now when remembering all the moments he loved this boy.

 

“Liam…”

 

“I can’t do this anymore. This was a bad idea. I just…”

 

“Liam.”

 

His head snaps to Mason, tears falling freely. Mason looks at him, seems to also hold back tears and Liam can’t help but think of how deep this love goes- so deep that two un-involved people can be so affected by the heartbreak.

 

“Liam, you’re not being honest…” Mason says so softly it’s almost not words at all.

 

“What??” How can he say this? “It’s all I’ve been! Do you think it’s easy?? Telling you these things, letting you in here??” he roughly jams his fist down on his chest, “It’s not!!!”

 

“With yourself Li… you’re not being honest with yourself.”

 

He frowns, “What?”

 

Mason takes a deep breath and walks over to them, kneels down beside Liam. There is something final yet soft in Mason’s brown eyes when he takes Liam’s hands in his own. “Tell Deaton about all the Theo stuff… while you were still with Hayden.”

 

Liam scoffs immediately at that, looks between Deaton and Mason, “I- no… No I was totally faithful to Hayden, I loved Hayden. I never…”

 

“Yes. You were also so fortunate to have loved two people this deeply at such a young age. It’s okay Liam, it’s okay to have loved them both.”

 

He breaks, face contorting into a sob and realization at the same time. He knows now. He knows when he fell in love with Theo Raeken. He also knows this is where it ends.

 

“It was when we ran away from the ghost riders. They had just taken Hayden. Theo and I were at the hospital, the ghost riders kept coming, we fought off ten only to have more come at us. One had him around the neck and while I was busy fighting his buddy off I saw it, I saw Theo about to die or disappear or whatever and I almost puked, it frightened me so bad. I saved him.”

 

“Was that when you knew? When he saved your life?”

 

“No. Not quite. It was when we got back up on our feet, we won. Or so we thought. There was this moment that we could probably have hugged or something, but we didn’t because another bunch of them came around the corner. I wolfed out, got ready to fight again, and I saw him run - though he was leaving me - but the next minute he’s grabbing me and tossing me into the elevator. It was so fast, I asked him what the hell he’s doing. Theo turned to me and said, “Being the bait.” and then he was gone.”

 

Mason squeezes his hand and Liam inhales and he swears he can smell Theo, but he knows better, “That was the most selfless Theo has ever been. I saw it in his eyes- how much he cared about me. Even if I wasn’t his to feel that way about. He sacrificed himself so that I could save Hayden and the others.” Liam slumps back in the chair, “In that moment I loved him, I didn’t want to, didn’t fully understand it, but that was the moment. That’s when I fell in love.”

 

The other two are quiet.

 

“Do it.” he says resolutely.

 

“Are you sure Liam?”

 

“Yeah. Do it. It hurts. Please take it away… _please_.”

 

Deaton gives him a final look and sits upright. The pendulum ticks softly and his heart rushes in his ears. _I love you Theo… I love you. I’m sorry._

 

“Theo ran away the moment you let him out of the jail cell. You held the ghost riders off on your own until Scott and Stiles found you. You never saw Theo much after that, no one did, you never bothered asking. You fought the hunters with the help of Mason and Corey and made it out alive, only you three. Theo died shortly after that. You never loved him.”

 

Deaton stops the pendulum with a tap of his finger and suddenly everything around Liam is quiet, his heart, his mind and his trembling hands. He frowns.

 

“Liam… who is Theo Raeken?”

 

Blood and claws, snarling fangs and broken library tables flash through Liam’s vision like looped scenes of a carnage.

 

Liam looks at Deaton, almost offended at the question and says, “He was a monster. He used me. He killed Scott.”

 

Mason and Deaton sit back, and Liam can’t quite place their expressions, he’d try, but he feels exhausted and somewhat confused. He knows they came here for a reason but can’t seem to remember what.

 

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

 

Mason gets up, “Yeah, buddy. It’s okay.”

 

*****

Theo’s standing in the darkest corner of the clinic, arms hugged over his chest. He watches Liam leave with Mason, like nothing ever happened.

 

He wishes Liam didn’t have to do this, but he knows why he did. Liam wears his heart on his sleeve, it’s always been that way, but lately he’s been walking around with the bloody remains of it in his hands, trying to hold on to Theo. And that’s not fair.

 

He’s not sunshine anymore, not the way Theo remembers. Liam is a dark storm cloud, rumbling with pain and Liam can’t be that. He needs to shine and bring warmth, he deserves to laugh and smile again.

 

Now he finally can.

*****

 

 


End file.
